For a while after the Qingming Festival, I became sluggish and drained.
When the interview results for the national civil service tax bureau came out, I missed the shore by a small margin. I also failed to make it into the interview round for the provincial exam. Even when preparing for public institution exams, I kept feeling a weight on my chest. I had worked hard, but I still felt there was an unbridgeable gap between me and the top candidates.
After three years of my master’s program, my thesis has just been sent out for blind review. Graduation is approaching fast, yet my mind is full of confusion and anxiety about the future.
Recently, I realized that I had fallen into a state called “learned helplessness.” The first time I came across this term was when I was preparing for the written test of the teaching qualification exam. Back then, it felt far away from me. Only now do I realize that this idea has quietly made its way into my heart.
Simply put, learned helplessness is a state in which repeated failure gradually makes a person lose confidence in changing their situation. Even when opportunities appear, they may still feel unable to act. That seems to be exactly where I am right now. My spirit has scattered, and even the motivation to keep trying is close to disappearing.
But rationally, I know I should not keep letting myself sink like this.
In truth, setbacks in exams do not completely negate my effort or everything I have invested. All the experiences and accumulation from the past still matter. The real question is how to adjust my mindset and set out again in a better state.
First, I want to accept my failure.
Failure does not mean I am incapable, nor does it define me. It is simply an unavoidable episode in the journey of life. Only by accepting failure can I truly let go of it and step out of the shadow it casts.
Second, I hope to rebuild my inner drive.
What is that drive? It is the firm belief in your goal, the force inside you that keeps you moving forward. Losing it may only be temporary, not permanent. As long as we are willing, we can gather that strength again and continue on.
I have decided to set a few small goals for myself and slowly return to a steady rhythm. I will try to complete concrete tasks each day, such as exercising for half an hour, reviewing professional knowledge, or actively attending a spring recruitment fair. By doing these small things, I hope to slowly rebuild my confidence and regain that inner drive.
Life is never a straight road. Failure and setbacks are unavoidable parts of the scenery. What matters is that when we realize we are in trouble, we also know how to make peace with ourselves.
I am writing these words not to vent negativity, but to see my situation clearly, remind myself to accept imperfection, and begin again.
If you are reading this and feel lost too, I hope you can find your own direction.
Let’s keep going together.
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